It all began at the duck park. Isn’t that where it always starts?
While feeding the ducks, three mud-splattered ibis high-tailed toward us, trying to get a snack or two. My daughter started screaming, shivering, and then crying uncontrollably.
My first unhelpful thoughts were to:
- Scare the ibis away by screaming and running after them. How dare they scare my child!
- Pick up my daughter and tell her to get over it. They’re just ibis.
Those two initial responses are not the best way to handle the situation.
I’ll tell you how I handled it shortly, but here’s some really helpful tips.
Before we progress, I should mention that I’m not a child psychiatrist. If you’re having serious issues with your child’s fear of birds, it’s best to consult an expert. I have a background in wildlife education, so my expertise come from helping children understand the role of every animal and their place in the world.
What shouldn’t you do if a bird scares your child
Don’t react on a whim.
Especially if those first initial thoughts aren’t helpful. Take a second before you react.
Don’t scare the birds away.
They’re scavengers, this is what they do. Don’t allow them to steal your food of course, but you certainly don’t want to scare or hurt the birds. This doesn’t teach children how to respect animals.
Don’t tell your child to harden up.
It’s so easy to do. As a child that was raised with a culture of shaming, it’s unfortunately my default thought. That’s why pausing is so important. Shaming your child is not okay. Validating their emotions is everything!
What you should do if a bird scares your child
Do. Pick up your child, move away and make them feel safe.
Do. Help them to understand the feelings they’re expressing. I can see those birds really frightened you.
Do. Comfort your child as long as they need it and once they’re calm, talk to them about what happened from a safe distance.
What to do you if your child continues to exhibit a fear of birds?
I handled the incident with my daughters fairly well, but I wasn’t perfect. I didn’t scare the birds and I didn’t shame her. I’m still working on explaining emotions without feeling awkward about it.
Unfortunately, after this encounter, my daughter became very scared every time she saw a bird. While her main fear was of ibis, it wasn’t confined to this species alone. I recall a day then she flew off the handle about a willy-wagtail (the size of a small robin) landing on the fence. A willy-wagtail!
That was an emotionally challenged day for her and for me.
It wasn’t long, though, until she started loving birds. Here’s what I did.
We didn’t avoid places where ibis and other birds reside
As soon as I saw an ibis, I would calmly tell my daughter where it was. I talked about the ibis gently, in positive way, and at a very safe distance.
‘Look at their long beak, isn’t it amazing?!’
‘Look at those feathers.’
‘See how he is trying to eat that bit of fruit?’
I would react to my child’s behaviour
If I could see that my daughter was getting uncomfortable, I would address that emotion with her and ask if she would like to move away. I wasn’t shying away from that fearful emotion but I was given her control over it. If she wanted to move away, we would.
Throughout the entire process I was very careful not to push her too far beyond her comfort levels, as this just tends to make the anxiety more severe (a lesson I learned toilet training her).
In my experience, making sure your child feels safe at all times is extremely important.
Notice the moments.
I noticed the moments that she saw an ibis and didn’t react and I told her how impressed I was that she was managing that emotion.
We acknowledged other birds
Talk about other birds with your child, especially the one’s they’re not frightened of.
We have rainbow lorikeets living around our home. It’s hard not to love a flying rainbow. I encouraged her fascination and love of rainbow lorikeets and used this time to address similarities between the ibis and the lorikeet.
Soon, she didn’t see the ibis as some big scary monster, but as one bird that belongs in a world filled with birds.
We read stories about birds
Picture books are such a useful tool to help children process complex emotions. Head to your local library and ask your friendly librarians for books that might help with anxiety about birds. They always help find the right stories to help.
I hope my experience and knowledge of connecting children to their natural world was helpful. Next time your child gets scared when the birds decide to hassle you for food at the local duck park, you’ll confidently know just what to do.
See, this is why you’re so awesome, Penny.
I think they were the right things to do and say. I would like to do the same things too but I think where I would fail is the lack of (nice) things I could say about a bird like the ibis.
As a parent, I guess we’re supposed to try and see the positives in all sorts of things. And of course, animals. But how can you when it comes to an animal you’re not particularly interested in yourself ?
Why, thanks for the compliment Miss Gracie. xx
You can find something nice to say about anything if you set your mind to it. If not, perhaps just make enthusiastc, fake ethusiasm if you must, remarks about what the animal is doing. It’s only to try and get them to think of the animal in a different light. You won’t have to talk about the uninteresting ibis forever.
Imagine me saying this in a Steve Irwin type voice. ” Crikey” (sorry had to add that) “Ibis are amazing! They are the cleaners of the world, they pick up and eat all the left over food at parks. Imagine if there were no ibis to clean up there would be rotten, mouldy food everywhere. Ibis are cool!!!”
Wildlife education officer or child psychologist? Well handled Pen.
I never used to be too wary of Ibis until my dad told me to ‘watch out for them’…ever since I have been wondering why and visibly flinch if they come too close to us at the park. Yes they aren’t the prettiest of birds and they do tend to have poor manners when it comes to food but I shouldn’t be hating on them just because my dad did.
BTW – love the disclaimer at the end – so cute!
He probably said that because he was worried the ibis would steal your lunch! Naughty birds.
It’s amazing how parents can create fears in children accidently. As a parent, you don’t really think about it but it happens a lot.
When I bring a snake out in a wildlife presentation it’s amazing to see the way my audience full of children react as soon as a teacher has to flee the room. From that point on, half of the children are too scared to touch the snake. Most people wouldn’t hesitate in touch the golden brush-tailed possum but she would be 20 times (yes, 20 times) more likey to bite you than our snakes.
I’m 38 years old and TERRIFIED of birds. I had a colleague once say that it was completely irrational, and I said ‘I know, that’s why they call it a phobia’. I’m doing my very upmost to make sure my girls don’t pick up on it, and while I don’t mind feeding the ducks, the seagulls are another matter.
Do you know what caused your phobia ? It must be hard to live with but I applaud you for trying to not let it rub off on your girls. Many phobias and fears are started from the parents themsleves.
On another note. I’ve been trying to comment on a couple of your latest posts and it’t not letting me. 🙁
Blogger… grrr…
When I was a child we always had peacocks and guinea fowls and chickens etc- somewhere along the line something has had a go at me. I’m getting better the older I get, I can pick up a feather boa off the floor now without a broom handle!
Oh my goodness. I know I shouldn’t laugh but I can just imagine you doing that! Tee hehe. It must have been really severe. I’m glad it’s getting better though.
My little one is scared of ibis too, but I think she’s starting to get the hang of it. I think for her it’s more about the ibis being bigger than her but now that she’s taller, she’s not as fussed.
That’s great news that she is not fussed. Ibis are kinda scarey looking -that long beak and all. I don’t blame kiddies for freaking out over them.
My 3 year old son no matter what I have done. Is so scared of birds chirping. If he sees them ok we’re fine. But not being able to see them and only hear then scares him to death. Like shaking fear? What do I do?
Hi Malissa,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this with your son. Firstly I’m not a psychologist, so I would suggest going to a professional about this behaviour. I, personally, would stay close, stay calm and make him feel safe during those moment. He will eventually come to realise that there’s no need to feel fear. If the behaviour continues, please do go and see a specialist.